This charming Harry Potter parody comes to us by way of Alanna A., who is taking Of Wizards and Words: The World of Harry Potter this session. I definitely laughed out loud multiple times while reading this, and I’m sure you will too!
-SB
Order of the Phoenix: The Way it Should Be
Written by: Allanna A. & Jenny H. (with ideas from loads of people)
The Recap
(To be filmed with a webcam shot of them who are speaking and sitting in front of the camera)
Cedric Diggory: Hello. My name is Cedric Diggory. (someone out of webcam shot screams “Edward Cullen!!!”) … And some people asked me to do this “recap”. So, let us begin. (takes a piece of paper in his hand and reads script) “Cedric Diggory – dead.” Wait…What?
(Screen goes fuzzy)
Sirius Black: Hello, my name is Sirius Black and I will now be taking over this recap, seeing as our previous recap-er has turned into a vampire and moved to Forks, Washington. And so… “Sirius Black-dead.” Wait…wait… No! NO! NOT THE CURTAIN!!! (A curtain gets thrown over him and screen goes fuzzy)
Albus Dumbledore: Hello my name is Professor Dumbledore. I am now taking over this recap. (Reads) Albus Dumbledore-dead.” (Stares at paper) (Thinking this over) Hmm…
(Screen goes fuzzy)
Severus Snape: My name is Severus Snape. I am hereby taking over this…erm…recap. Everyone knows I killed the previous Headmaster of Hogwarts. (evil laugh) (cough) Now, where was I…Oh, yes (Grabs paper) Severus Snape – dead” (confused look at camera) What?
Lord Voldemort: (steps into camera shot from behind Snape) well, not yet, anyway! Avad – (gets cut off by the screen going fuzzy)
Harry Potter: Hello, my name is Harry Potter – yes – the Harry Potter – and I will be taking over this recap. Everyone’s kinda…dead…except for the ones who should be dead, so…anyway, back to the recap. (reads) “Harry Potter-dead” …..um…what?
(Screen goes fuzzy)
Voldemort: Hello, my name is Lord Voldemort and I will be taking over this recap. (screaming in the distance from behind the camera) (laughs nervously) Well, there goes Nagini…hold on a sec’
(Screen goes fuzzy)
Ginny Weasley: Hi, my name is Ginny Weasley. (Death Eaters in masks and robes come up from behin her and grab her, Ginny screaming as screen goes fuzzy)
Lord Voldemort: Sorry about that. (Saying as Harry walks up from behind him quietly) So, yeah, anyway, my snake Nagini, yeah, well she was choking on Snape’s head, and – (whips around and sees Harry behind him) Avada Kedavra!
Harry: (ducks) Expelliarmus!
(Screen goes fuzzy)
(Ron and Hermione sit together in front of camera)
Ron: Hello, my name is Ron Weasley.
Hermione: And I’m Hermione Granger. We will be taking over this recap, seeing as Harry has become depressed and no longer shows his face in public.
Ron: Yeah… And the Death Eaters killed Ginny and Luna ran off and married Neville. And the Death Eaters are kicking our bloody arses out there! Geez, we don’t need a script for this… (Shoves paper away)
Hermione: But anyways…(Grabs script and reads) “Ron and Hermione – married with two kids”…
(both blush and scoot away from each other until out of camera shot, blackout)
Draco: Hello, my name is Draco Malfoy and I will be taking over this recap, seeing as I’m the only one who’s still sane and alive at the same time. (picks up script from the floor) (reads to himself and double checks everything that’s been said) Hmm…well, everything seems to be in order…
Bellatrix: Hello, my name is Bellatrix Lestrange and I will be taking over this recap. Let’s see… “Bellatrix Lestrange – dead.” What? “Initially killed by Mrs. Weasley.” Huh?
Mrs. Weasley: (steps into camera shot) “You killed my daughter you, *****!” Avada Kedavra!
(Screen goes fuzzy)
(End of Recap)
Young Writers @ The Loft 